id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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