3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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