the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He passed out mid-signature
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
