Don't make out with my wife yet
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
ugly people sure do ruin things
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
