I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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