I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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