I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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