tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
