Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
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