he shaved USA in his pubs
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
