Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
