do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
