i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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