Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize