How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize