Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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