in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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