I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
