If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize