What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
