sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
