I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
