youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
