Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i dont even know how to be here
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
