Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
