Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
