I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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