you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
