I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
