yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
