just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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