Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
