I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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