My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
