My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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