Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
