Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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