my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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