Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Sorry about my life...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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