Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I haven't been this sober since birth.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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