my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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