Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Randomize
