After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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