Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
