It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
What a dumb baby whore.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
