I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
