dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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