The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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