He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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