worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
