just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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