We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
