she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
