I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
