I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
