Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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