I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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