Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
