She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
