What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize