if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize