Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
