can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
