I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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