this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
