Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
